God’s will and command for us as Christians is not, “Try to live a good life,” or “Try to please Me as best you can,” or “Figure out a standard that works for you,” but – be holy. In word, deed, thought, action we are to emulate our God who enables us to do this by His Spirit (John 14:16, 15:26).
So the question to ask is not, “What can I get away with?” but “How holy can we be?”
“I know God has forgiven him, and I have too… but will he think differently of me? Will I be beautiful enough?”
Her question was one I asked Josh before we got married. Many of you following the Other Virgin Diaries read my husband’s testimony in ‘Does God Forgive Sexual Sin?’, where he told his story of God’s grace and redemption over his own sexual past.
But as we approached our wedding day, I asked both my Josh and God: “Will that past affect our future?”
I was crumpled in a ball by my nightstand, sobbing so hard it came in gasps. I couldn’t see through the tears, and I didn’t want to. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
At the beginning it had all seemed to make sense: he liked me; he asked me out; he wanted to date me. But then… then he said my standards were too high. He said because I wouldn’t kiss him (after barely getting to know him), he would leave me. And he did.
I took him back. Now here I was, still a virgin, but an emotional wreck of who I’d been before. What happened to Purity Girl? I was the poster child for it. I wore the ring, I knew the rules, I wrote blog posts about it. This was supposed to be my area of expertise. How come it was so easy to compromise to a man who used my desire for affirmation to manipulate me?
As I knelt there hunched over a tear-stained Psalm 51, I asked God: How could you ever forgive me of something I’ve done again and again? Can I ever be who I was before?
Maybe you’ve asked those same questions. Today we’re going to answer them with what God has revealed to us in His Word. He is the only one who can speak with authority on this subject.
Since the beginning of the Other Virgin Diaries series, 60% of the emails I receive contain the above questions in some form. It’s a pressing concern for many young Christians who have compromised purity (to any degree) and long for their relationship with God to be renewed. But in the midst of that hope, many of us doubt God’s forgiveness or are unsure of what it looks like.
Sin is sin: whether it be gossip, lying, pride or extramarital sex, all sin is breaking the law of God (1 John 3:4 “Sin is lawlessness”). Sin is offensive to God because God is holy and perfect (Is. 6:1-5). Because man chose to sin in the beginning of time (Genesis 3) all of us are born with a natural tendency toward sin and thus toward offending God (Romans 5:12).
Sexual sin, however, is a different beast. Unlike other sins, sexual sin affects the body, emotions, mind, and spirit (1 Cor. 6:18). Sex was designed to be a thrilling experience in marriage, in which context the physical-emotional-spiritual connection is intense and fulfilling. But when removed from that context, sex has the power to twist our self-perception, spiral us into deeper sin, and most of all separate us spiritually from our pure relationship with God. God knows this danger, and therefore requires sex and the acts of foreplay leading to arousal as a part of marriage and nothing else.
Having established this, what do we do? What do we do if we have transgressed God’s law, offended God, and separated ourselves from a peaceful relationship with Him? Is there hope for those affected by the consequences of illicit sex?
YES! There is hope! Below are the steps we take to know this forgiveness and walk as conquerors in the grace of God.
Most temptations are discussed as if they come from an outside source; not from within our own hearts. Today, let me outline for you several things you can do to promote a healthy and pure relationship with your girl.
But God’s design for sex is based on real, God-defined love. It is good to desire that kind of love. But when our desire for love is reduced to a desire for physical closeness alone, we have missed the point entirely. Sexual sensations are a product of sex – but they aren’t the purpose.