Aug 27, 2014 | Sexuality
I was crumpled in a ball by my nightstand, sobbing so hard it came in gasps. I couldn’t see through the tears, and I didn’t want to. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
At the beginning it had all seemed to make sense: he liked me; he asked me out; he wanted to date me. But then… then he said my standards were too high. He said because I wouldn’t kiss him (after barely getting to know him), he would leave me. And he did.
I took him back. Now here I was, still a virgin, but an emotional wreck of who I’d been before. What happened to Purity Girl? I was the poster child for it. I wore the ring, I knew the rules, I wrote blog posts about it. This was supposed to be my area of expertise. How come it was so easy to compromise to a man who used my desire for affirmation to manipulate me?
As I knelt there hunched over a tear-stained Psalm 51, I asked God: How could you ever forgive me of something I’ve done again and again? Can I ever be who I was before?
Maybe you’ve asked those same questions. Today we’re going to answer them with what God has revealed to us in His Word. He is the only one who can speak with authority on this subject.
Since the beginning of the Other Virgin Diaries series, 60% of the emails I receive contain the above questions in some form. It’s a pressing concern for many young Christians who have compromised purity (to any degree) and long for their relationship with God to be renewed. But in the midst of that hope, many of us doubt God’s forgiveness or are unsure of what it looks like.
Sin is sin: whether it be gossip, lying, pride or extramarital sex, all sin is breaking the law of God (1 John 3:4 “Sin is lawlessness”). Sin is offensive to God because God is holy and perfect (Is. 6:1-5). Because man chose to sin in the beginning of time (Genesis 3) all of us are born with a natural tendency toward sin and thus toward offending God (Romans 5:12).
Sexual sin, however, is a different beast. Unlike other sins, sexual sin affects the body, emotions, mind, and spirit (1 Cor. 6:18). Sex was designed to be a thrilling experience in marriage, in which context the physical-emotional-spiritual connection is intense and fulfilling. But when removed from that context, sex has the power to twist our self-perception, spiral us into deeper sin, and most of all separate us spiritually from our pure relationship with God. God knows this danger, and therefore requires sex and the acts of foreplay leading to arousal as a part of marriage and nothing else.
Having established this, what do we do? What do we do if we have transgressed God’s law, offended God, and separated ourselves from a peaceful relationship with Him? Is there hope for those affected by the consequences of illicit sex?
YES! There is hope! Below are the steps we take to know this forgiveness and walk as conquerors in the grace of God.
Aug 25, 2014 | Dating & Marriage, Sexuality
Most temptations are discussed as if they come from an outside source; not from within our own hearts. Today, let me outline for you several things you can do to promote a healthy and pure relationship with your girl.
Aug 20, 2014 | Sexuality
But God’s design for sex is based on real, God-defined love. It is good to desire that kind of love. But when our desire for love is reduced to a desire for physical closeness alone, we have missed the point entirely. Sexual sensations are a product of sex – but they aren’t the purpose.
Aug 13, 2014 | Christian Life & Theology, Sexuality
Phy, you need to read this.”
I got that text from my friend while I was sipping coffee in renovated cottage-turned-cafe. It contained a link.
“This writer did a purity pledge,” The texts continued. “And has rejected all of it. You need to read it, and some of the comments.”
So I did, and as tears welled in my eyes, I knew I’d have to do what I really don’t like doing: write a response post.
The article was entitled “It Happened to Me: I Waited Until My Wedding Night to Lose My Virginity and I Wish I Hadn’t”. I read it in its entirety. The more I read, the more heartbroken I felt for Samantha (the author) and the twisted experience she relayed in the post. But my sadness was overwhelmed with a sense of utter urgency.
A lot of young women will read that post: young women who have made purity pledges and are waiting for an excuse to walk away from them. Young women teetering on the bring of sexual and spiritual destruction. Young women wondering if it is even worth this waiting-for-marriage.
So I’m going to battle for the other side because this waiting-for-marriage thing – it’s worth it. In fact, waiting for marriage to lose my virginity was the best decision I ever made.
1. My commitment to purity wasn’t to a church: it was to Christ Himself…
Jul 21, 2014 | Dating & Marriage
I rewrote that title just five times or so. I still don’t like it.
Whether you are dating long distance or have a traveling spouse like I do, for some of us, traditional ‘dating’ is crammed into the two precious days of the weekend. The problem remains… those two days also contain all my deep-cleaning, homework catch-up, meal planning and even some errand-running.
So Mr. M and I find ourselves spending the weekend playing house: laundry, cooking, taking out the garbage, vacuuming, and ending it with a movie on Saturday night. While there is nothing wrong with this, we’d like to spend the few days we have together during travel season in a more productive, fulfilling way.
Here are a few ideas we’ve found helpful as we keep the house spic-n’-span while getting quality time together.
1. Use Friday night for chores, homework, and household clean up – then plan a surprise day out all day Saturday.
Is your impulse to use Friday night as ‘date night’? Ours too. But we’ve found a little switcheroo that helps make the most of our time: one accelerated evening of household maintenance! …
