Single and Seeking: What Godly Men Look For in the Women They Date

Written by Phylicia, on July 29, 2015

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This post is part of the July blog series “Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}”. To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Phylicia Delta Blog on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or join me on Instagram!

When the girls at the June Facebook party requested this topic, I was very hesitant to write on it. But as I wrote Tuesday’s post (How to Choose a Guy in 8 Ways) I realized that the standards I’ve laid out in this blog – biblical though they be – give women a good idea of what kind of man to look for and what kind of man to turn down. So it seemed right to also ask the guys what kind of women they are looking for in their own Christian singlehood.

I stated in the “How to Choose” post that every principle outlined there for men (all based on Psalm 112) is equally applicable for women. Every value and character trait we look for in a man should be found equally in ourselves. It is neither wise nor realistic to expect a godly man to pursue us when we as women are not living up to those same expectations.

It is with this in mind that I want you to read this post.

That said, I have a strict comment policy when it comes to topics like these. Too often the comments descend into “offended” bickering over how “unfair” the men are being in their expectations on women. I carefully chose each man I interviewed for this post, men who made their answers vulnerably open to a large public audience. Each answer will be as individual as the man himself. Respect their transparency and realize that these men – single and married – are expressing exactly what many women want to know: what godly men look for in a woman. They cannot express exhaustive conclusions that reflect every man’s opinions on this topic, but what they have to say has value, and I expect my readers to respect that.

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How to Choose a Guy in 8 Ways: Guidelines for a Godly Man

Written by Phylicia, on July 28, 2015

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This post is part of the July blog series “Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}”. To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Phylicia Delta Blog on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or join me on Instagram!

I first heard about the Psalm 112 man in a theology class at my alma mater (and employer), Liberty University. Our campus pastor at the time (Dwayne Carson, for any proud Liberty alum who also sat under his teaching) opened his Bible on the podium and boomed through the lecture hall: “You young ladies will want to listen up to this, because this passage outlines what you need to look for in a man.” I listened up – and never forgot it.

Psalm 112 outlines the traits of a righteous person. Equally applicable to men and to women, the psalm describes how a godly person lives out his or her life practically, giving us some real principles to work with beyond the sometimes-abstract character of righteousness and godly behavior.

Most Christian girls will agree that who you date has an impact on your life, whether or not the relationship continues into marriage. But if it does continue into marriage, you have any even more serious, permanent decision to make. Choosing your mate is a decision of enormous consequence, not to be taken lightly. How you choose affects not only you but your family, his family, and your future children. It affects your career, your interests, and your physical, financial, and spiritual wellbeing.

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Single and Waiting… When You Want to Give Up

Written by Phylicia, on July 18, 2015

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This post is part of the July blog series “Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}”. To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Phylicia Delta Blog on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or join me on Instagram!

Pregnancy is a waiting game, and I’ve never been good at waiting. My favorite way to wait is not to wait at all, but keep as busy as possible so the time flies by. I suppose that’s called impatience.

Unfortunately for me (though fortunately for Baby M!), you can’t rush pregnancy. It happens how and when it happens, typically taking a full ten months to reach the grand conclusion. As I’ve grown progressively slower and more clumsy, I’ve definitely reached the point of “Okay, enough pregnancy, let’s meet this baby and get the show on the road!” Waiting is tough.

Waiting, and the virtue of patience in general, is not limited to the single years. It’s something you’ll do the rest of your life. We must wait on God’s timing for every big decision, every change of season, and every special blessing (like Baby M).

But what about when you want to give up? When the waiting doesn’t feel worth it anymore?

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5 Ways Singles Can Embrace the Church

Written by Phylicia, on July 15, 2015

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This post is part of the July blog series “Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}”. To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Phylicia Delta Blog on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or join me on Instagram!

I could have grown up jaded by the church.

When I was 12, the church where my parents were married – and where all my childhood friends, surrogate “aunts” and “uncles”, and even extended family attended – split down the middle. For four years we visited every church within a 50 mile radius of my tiny hometown. We’re not talking about the Bible belt here – Protestant churches are hard to come by in Michigan. And it wasn’t as if my parents were being overtly picky, either. They were looking for a place where the Word was preached and where they could have a community of believers in which to raise their children.

Many, if not all, of the churches we visited were full of good-hearted people, but we didn’t settle on a home church until right before I left for college. By then, I had something of a church family, but nothing like the one I remembered before I was 12. Fortunately, the church my family now attends is a wonderful, Word-based church that feels like home even though I attended it far fewer years than the rest of my family.

I tell this story because all the hopping around, church hunting, and in-and-out of church culture could have chased me away from the church, if I let it. If I were looking at the church as my savior, I might have reason for that. But the church isn’t my savior – Jesus is. And though the church failed me in some ways, I simply remember that it is made up of imperfect people striving after a holy God – people just like me.

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How to Pray for Your Husband… When You Don’t Know If He Exists

Written by Phylicia, on July 13, 2015

ZFsYJxdUThis post is part of the July blog series “Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}”. To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Phylicia Delta Blog on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or join me on Instagram!
As “Christian homeschooler” as it is to admit this, I started praying for my husband when I was 15. There was a specific spot on the family farm where I would go to be alone and think about the future. And though I didn’t know who I would marry – or IF I would marry at all – I figured praying for a potential future mate was better than not praying at all.

Over the years, of course, I was told all manner of discouraging things. “What if you never get married?” “Why bother with that now?” “What if he doesn’t exist?” I spent many single years in the all-too-common limbo so many girls find themselves playing: is praying for something that might not happen out of God’s will? Is it selfish? Or is it the best way to deal with my hopes and dreams?

When I turned 21, I dumped the limbo for good. I was sick of living in fear that marriage “might not happen”. I was sick of living a safe life, trying to protect myself from disappointment by consistently qualifying my future with “ifs” and “buts”. Instead, I started living fully in the will God had for me that day – and meanwhile, prayed Psalm 113:9: “He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyful mother of children.” And as I prayed it, I told God: “Lord, you know this is my desire. You know this is a part of my heart. I’m giving this desire back to you and I believe you will either fulfill it, or you will give me the strength to walk alone for as long as you have called me to do so.”

And I stopped worrying about whether or not my future husband existed, and simply prayed for him as if he did.

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