How the Romance in Your Head is Hurting Your Heart

Written by Phylicia, on September 2, 2015

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This post is part of the blog series “Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}”. To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Phylicia Delta Blog on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or join me on Instagram!

Summers in northern Michigan are the closest thing to heaven: beautiful sunsets, lapping waves, Kilwin’s ice cream and perfect weather.  Sixteen years old, I attended a concert in the park in downtown Petoskey, Michigan, where I grew up. It was a beautiful summer evening, I was dressed in one of my favorite outfits – I even had my Sheltie, Lassie, tied to the bench on which I was sitting. It was all quite quaint. The concert was a choir of college students, and while I wasn’t super interested in what they were singing, I attended just to enjoy the nice night. Just as the concert started, rain began to sprinkle down.

“Ladies and gentlemen, we will be moving the concert to the Presbyterian church up the street.” The director announced. I outran the rain to my car, put Lassie inside and walked to the church to finish watching the concert. As I walked in, one of the singers – a tall, handsome young man dressed to the nines – opened the door for me.

“Doesn’t look like you got too soaked! That’s good.”

I looked up with stars in my eyes. This is just like I imagined!

“No, I didn’t.” I squeaked. I took a seat in one of the pews and the young man followed me, and, gesturing to the seat beside me, asked: “May I?”

I can’t even.

We chatted for a while before he got up to sing. After the concert I lingered a little, but thinking that looked too desperate, left the church to walk back to my car. As I turned the corner, I glanced back at the church and saw the young man standing on the steps, looking furiously right and left. Looking for ME! I had warm fuzzies as I waltzed down the sidewalk, but the fuzzies nearly jumped out my throat when I heard running steps behind me.

“Phylicia! Wait!”

I turned around. Am I Anne of Green Gables right now?

“I was wondering when I would see you again?” You could have pushed me over with a feather. I stared at the ground intently… intently enough to notice this young man was wearing orange and yellow striped socks. Orange and yellow. No one wears orange and yellow, except maybe the Donut Man. Suddenly I was snapped out of this dream I was living. I laughed.

“I don’t know!”

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VIDEO: Singleness Series Wrap-Up

Written by Phylicia, on August 25, 2015

They say a picture’s worth a thousand words, so as I begin to wrap up this series I felt a video would aid in summarizing what we’ve discussed thus far. For new readers, I always feel hearing someone’s voice helps put a face to the name on the page – it humanizes the writer. If you don’t already, you can follow my YouTube channel or join me on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Break Ups & Broken Hearts: Ending a Relationship With Grace

Written by Phylicia, on August 21, 2015

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This post is part of the blog series “Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}”. To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Phylicia Delta Blog on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or join me on Instagram!

With all this talk of singleness, we have to deal with one issue no one wants to talk about: break ups. They’re awful. They end in tears, chocolate, and Netflix marathons (which doesn’t sound so awful to my pregnant self, at the moment) and can take months to get over. They can be soul-crushing, dream-dashing, and altogether miserable.

To be perfectly frank, I’ll be writing this post from the perspective of what not to do. When it came to relationships, I was very good at getting into them quickly, only to realize – quickly – that I wanted out. I was the royal break-up queen, and to some of the guys I dated, I was a royal jerk. I didn’t know how to end a relationship gracefully, a fact usually rooted in the reality that I’d pursued the relationship too soon in the first place. What begins in urgency often ends in misery – which means you’re usually pursuing an urgent end to the situation, just like in the beginning.

But break ups, as painful as they can be, are not our enemy. In fact, break ups can strengthen us for future relationships, teaching us crucial things about our natures as women and what we need to be seeking in a mate. No one said you would marry the first person you date. While some people do – and good for them! – not everyone has this destiny, and if you lived a holy life in that relationship, a break up does not “tarnish” you for the future. And if you did sin in the relationship – especially physically – there is redemption for the repentant.

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Is It Love or Infatuation?

Written by Phylicia, on August 12, 2015

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This post is part of the blog series “Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}”. To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Phylicia Delta Blog on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or join me on Instagram!

One of my best friends graduated with a master’s degree in marriage and family counseling, and I will never forget a phrase she often repeated when we were roommates: “The honeymoon period of any relationship is approximately three to six months,” she said. “So it is wise for couples to hold off on making big decisions during that period, when they are still getting to know one another.”

There are certainly successful marriages that have sprung out of relationships where this rule was not followed. But in today’s connected culture – and especially in Christian circles, where there is an emphasis on marriage and finding your future spouse – the “honeymoon period” is a healthy guideline because it protects against the impulsiveness of infatuation.

One of the questions readers asked me to address was, “What is the difference between love and infatuation, and how do you know you have one and not the other?” This is a fantastic question, one very relevant to Christian singleness. The pressure of church relationship “culture”, combined with the unpredictability of our own emotions and desires can lead to a dangerous impulsiveness. So what is infatuation, and what is love?

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What If Prince Charming Never Comes?

Written by Phylicia, on August 9, 2015

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This post is part of the blog series “Why Am I Still Single? {And Other Pressing Questions}”. To follow the series and meet other likeminded readers, like Phylicia Delta Blog on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, or join me on Instagram!

While a teenager, one of the songs I learned in voice lessons was “Someday My Prince Will Come”, the theme song from Disney’s Sleeping Beauty. It all seemed quite quaint for Princess Aurora. She’s dancing through the trees with squirrels and birds following her and one day she simply smacks into her Prince Charming. Aside from Maleficent and the mishap with the spindle, Aurora’s romance didn’t take much work on her part. She was asleep for most of it. (Since the writing of this post I have been made aware it was Snow White, not Sleeping Beauty, who sang the “Someday My Prince Will Come” song. Sincerest apologies to Disney fans.)

If only it were that easy, right?

A recurring theme throughout this series and in the emails I’ve received is the unanswered question: But what if Prince Charming never comes? It’s this persistent query that plagues many Christian young women. It’s what limits their dreams, drags them into discontent, and burdens their relationship with God. The question recurs so often with “my girls” (as I refer to my blog readers when talking to Mr. M) I knew it was time for a frank discussion of this topic.

I’m not going to deny the validity of the question. We certainly aren’t guaranteed a future spouse, just as we aren’t guaranteed a dream job or children or any other mortal, material thing. But this question has only one source: fear.

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